Today was a pile of garbage

No stranger to bad days. Today was a bad day. They come unpredictably, insidiously. Often, they come when I wake up feeling fresh and ready. Other times, they come on days that start ominous and progressively get worse as the minutes pass. It’s impossible to know when the walls will come crashing down. I don’t want to discuss the details of why today was a flaming hot pile of garbage, but it was provoked by finances and general holiday ennui. It felt oppressive to be alive today, like I was every step I took was weighted, like traversing through the sludge of modern existence. By 4:00 p.m. I just felt like giving up on the day and couldn’t wait until I go lie down and make the day end. It’s in moments like these therapists and friends alike will encourage you to be grateful and think positively. This is the best I can do today:

My pug blows snot bubbles in my face. It could be worse. I could be getting puked on at work (I’m a nurse).

It’s no longer -30 degrees this week. Just completely overcast, dreary and like I’m living in a fucking sepia-toned photograph of 1930’s London.

I’m off from work for another month (yay!). I have no money for leisure activities or the vacation from life I desperately need.

I have a refrigerator full of food. It’s all made with butter and horrible for you.

It’s Christmas! That time of year where there’s pressure to get along with family and the need to buy presents thus stressing your already tight budget. That time where there’s abundant food, but it’s all garbage food and CAN I JUST TAP OUT FROM DECEMBER 23rd THROUGH JANUARY 2ND????

The house is clean. Yeah. No complaints there. I love a clean house.

I’ve stopped having stress dreams. I instead have broken dreams!!!!!!

If I don’t want to leave the house the next month, I don’t have to. My dream of being a hermit can finally come true.

My bangs don’t look like shit. That’s pretty okay.

Not all my plants have died. Just some of them.

I’m not a special snowflake and I DON’T WANT TO BE A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.

I can convey yelling through strategically placed capitalization.

I still hate humans, but at least I can talk to them without panicking inside my head now that I’m on medication.

This is an exhaustive list. What I mean by that is I’m completely exhausted and there is nothing else I can bring myself to add at the moment.

 

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